Overthinker problems

I'm an overthinker. It's a hard life when you're constantly doubting every single thing you do.

Every time I have a conversation with someone, even if it's just a two-sentence "conversation", I start over-analyzing it. Once the conversation is over, I'll start dissecting it. Why did I say that like that? Did it make sense grammatically? Did I seem weird asking that? Ugh, I responded to that question wrong! What if they think I'm weird because I kept stammering? They kept looking at me weird... Was there something on my face? They think I'm weird. Ugh, I don't think they liked me.

I will literally spend FOREVER going over the whole conversation, criticizing everything I said and did. I can't help it, it just happens. It would nice if just for once I'd finish a conversation and be done with it and move on. Lingering around, pondering over what I could have said or done differently isn't going to change anything, so why bother? But I care... every time.

But it's not just social interactions that I doubt and over think... It's everything I do.

When I leave the house for a run in the mornings, I walk out, turn on my music, and then stop. I stand in front of my house for a good minute going over everything I just did. Did I lock the door? Are all the windows closed? What if someone saw me closing all the windows and knows I'm leaving the house unattended and then they go in the steal stuff? What if I didn't lock the door properly? Then someone would have easy access to my house? Wait! Did I turn off the stove?! Wait! I haven't even used the stove today...

Sometimes the doubting starts way before I even leave the house. As I'm closing windows, I'm thinking to myself all the ways someone could come in through the window and break into my house. I keep psyching myself out and worrying over nothing. Sometimes I'll walk around the house twice to make sure everything is closed and turned off. Then I'll walk out and check the outside. I'll try my door several times to make sure it's locked.

When I go out to eat or when I take the bus, or just anywhere I go where I would sit down, before I leave that place or the bus or wherever, I'll look back and check to see if I forgot something. I'll take a quick peek under the table and around the seats. On the bus, as I walk out, I'll constantly look back to make sure I didn't drop something by accident. It's a constant worry– what if I left something behind? I try not to get too comfortable in restaurants or buses or even hotels. I don't want to risk losing something because I was careless. It's not so much losing something irreplaceable as it is losing something that is MINE. I don't want to be losing MY stuff.

At hotels, you know how some people like unpacking all their stuff and putting it in the drawers provided? I have never in my life done that. If I start getting comfortable and putting my stuff all over the place, when I go to pack up, I might forget something. When we leave hotels, it's like this whole obligation to myself that I have to make sure that we don't leave ANYTHING behind. I check under all the beds, the covers, behind curtains, drawers (even though we didn't use them), the bathroom, everything. I have to double check twice (so like 4 times in total). Even as I'm leaving the room, I feel uneasy, like what if I missed a spot?

But sometimes my over thinking isn't such a bad thing. I always retrieve missing things from dinner tables or bus seats or hotel bathrooms before they even go missing.

Still, it's hard to relax or go with the flow when you're constantly worrying over everything.