Everyone's talking about me

You know that feeling you get when you overhear someone's conversation and AUTOMATICALLY think they're talking trash about you? I get that feeling of self-consciousness and self-doubt ALL THE TIME!! It sucks because I feel like I need to prove to them that I'm not as bad as they think I am, even though they probably haven't even taken a second glance at me never mind pay enough attention to me to actually talk trash about me.

The other day I was in art class and there were these 2 girls sitting behind me somewhere talking away, and at the moment I could have sworn they were talking about me. But now, thinking back to it, they probably weren't. Anyways, I was working away on my painting (which by the way, is making very little progress... not that you care...) and was feeling quite self-conscious about my painting because my canvas is in between the regions of having a dot of colour on it and having nothing on it. and . Early this week, I was working on my painting, but I wasn't really happy with what I was painting and stuff, then suddenly while looking on Tumblr, I got this amazing idea for my painting. So I quickly covered up my canvas, with my not-so-great painting, with white paint and restarted. So when I brought it to school, it was a white canvas with pencil markings all over it, and I thought everyone who walked by was thinking that girl doesn't know how to paint or the hell? She still hasn't started? She's so slow! And I was like omg! They think I'm a bad artist; they don't even think I'm an artist. They think I'm just some idiot who's bad at art but is taking the class anyways. But of course, I was exaggerating everything, making myself feel bad about myself.

So the girls were talking about I don't know what, and I was barely listening to their conversation, then I heard one of the girls say "I know right! She appears nice on the outside, but she's actually not." And like the self-put-downer I am, I convinced myself they were talking about me. I mean I'm nice (ish, I think) and everyone always tells me I'm sweet and stuff; so what if I really do only appear nice but actually act mean towards others?? Then I heard a small voice in my head, whispering convince them you are nice, and it's not just some mask. And like the obedient pet I am, I was like okay!

So I tried being friendly and nice, like SUPER friendly and nice to the point where it looked like I was on the verge of opening very single door they walked through for them or I'd be their personal slave and they'd be my master. Well, I'm kidding about the latter example.... 

Anyways, the next day, I just gave up on the idea of making everyone like me and trying to change people's opinions of me just so that no one would talk about me. I just decided No! I will not be a people-pleaser for the rest of my life! I'm done with this crap! I can't live my life trying to make everyone like me. So I stopped trying to overdo my kindness and just kept to my own business.

At the end of the day, who cares if people are talking about you, you can only care about what you think of yourself. So next time I hear someone "talk" about me, I should just pretend it was a compliment and move on.

Ignorance is bliss, right?

Okay... maybe not all the time...