Change sucks

My high school goes by the semester system, so about a week ago, semester 2 started. When a new semester starts, it's almost like the first day of school all over again: new classes, new teachers, new everything.

Let's face it, nobody really likes change. I am not a fan of change. I kind of like it when things start to get boring or when everything's same old same old, but overall, change is not my friend. So when semester 2 started, it was not fun for me.

Semester 2 is supposed to be better for me because I have less courses and most importantly, half the school year is over and that means I am getting closer to the finish line, the end of school, the end of high school. I'm not saying I hate high school, but I'm not saying I love it either. So what's not to love about less courses and almost finishing school?

For one, I don't have any classes with my close friends. Last semester, I had one class with a close friend and three other classes with good friends. And if I didn't have any classes with my close friends, at least our classes were close to each other, so we could walk to class together and hang out before class starts (because we have 15 minute breaks between each class). Now, all my classes are on one side of the school, and all my friends' classes are on the opposite side. I rarely get to see them and the only time I do see them is during lunch, which is only 30 ish minutes long.

And on top of that, everyone is my new classes seem so much smarter and it's intimidating. In my AP chemistry class, almost everyone in that class is from the spectrum program (which is essentially the grade 8-10 program for the super smart kids) and I was never in that program, mostly because I didn't want to be with the smart kids. So you can imagine the intimidation I feel in that class, with all the super smart kids. I'm not saying that I'm dumb or anything, but I don't think I am at their level of superior intelligence. To make things worst, I don't know why, but recently I've been blanking out a lot during that class. It's like I keep convincing myself that I'm not smart enough to be in a class with these people, so my brain just shuts down. So when the teacher is explaining a lesson and stuff, I don't hear or understand anything, which makes me feel even stupider.

To make things worse, all my friends have their spare block together. I could have my spare with them, but that would mean I'd have to drop AP chemistry, and I like chemistry, so I don't want to drop it, but at the same time, I want to have spare with all my friends. The struggle is real. During lunch, I always hear my friends talking about what to do during their next spare, like they could go get sushi or Starbucks, and it makes me, Little Miss Loner, feel so left out and it makes me contemplate my decision of taking AP chemistry, which shouldn't be dilemma because I am happy with my choice.

I haven't been coping well with change as you can tell.

Everything kind of really sucks right now. But on the bright side, high school will be over in about 4 months, so why stress myself out over stupid things like being in a class full of smart students when I can do the work just as well as them, or making myself feel bad for not having spare with my friends.

I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Change sucks and sadly there's nothing I can do to prevent it.