Social gatherings and me

Most of you, if not all, have already figured out that I am awkward in every way possible. So social gatherings aren't quite ma thing.

It doesn't matter if I'm at a family gathering or a school party thing, it is guaranteed that my awkwardness will be at its peak. In fact, this applies to everything; it doesn't matter where I am, I will always be so awkward that it will make everyone else uncomfortable. I'm not exaggerating...

Recently, I went to my school's winter formal (a dinner and dance thing for grads, if you didn't know) and boy, was it fun! Just kidding. It was absolute torture. Okay, not absolute torture... But it was bad, for me at least.

The party hadn't even started yet, and I arrived earlier than my friends, and they asked me to wait for them. So I did. And it's cold outside so I waited inside while everyone else was outside laughing and talking to their friends and having a grand time. And then there was me, standing in the lobby area by myself, on my phone and looking like a total loner. So already, it was awkward and the event hadn't even started yet!

So my friends FINALLY arrived and then we went into the party. We took pictures at the photo booth and pictures on our phones and everything was great. Then we took enough pictures and sat down at our table and for a good 2 minutes, we sat in silence. My awkwardness must have spread. Maybe it's contagious... I don't know.

Then we were like let's not sit here like losers and go talk to people. But that was going to be a problem for me because one, I am antisocial, and two, none of the people there really know me. I know them, not personally but I've seen them around and caught their names, but they have absolutely no clue who I am. So there I was, standing awkwardly behind my friends, just in the background. Great...

After what felt like an eternity, the food was served! Thank goodness! I only went because there was going to be food! Nothing will captivate my heart and draw me to an avoidable gathering like food. We ate and all was great. For now. So, the photos have been taken, the food has been served, and the period between finishing dinner and the dance starting was pretty damn awkward. Which was not surprising. Because I was there, so of course I had to bring some awkwardness with me. Between that time, one of my friends left to talk to her other friends, and I was left with my other two friends. This awkward silence just fell over us as we watched people socializing and having fun, not that we weren't having fun.

You know that feeling you get when things get awkward and you suddenly think it's your fault? It's your fault you aren't keeping the conversation going; it's your fault there is an awkward air around everyone. Yeah, I know that feeling all too well. As we sat there, I felt like nothing was awkward, but I was making it awkward. And I kept contemplating whether I should start a conversation or just let someone else start the talking. As time dragged on, all I could think was this: Is this awkward? Am I making everything awkward? Are they feeling as awkward as I am?

Then came the dancing. Yay! My favourite!

FYI, dancing, like club/rave dancing, is NOT my thing. I hate it and try to avoid it at all costs.

Luckily, my friends hate it as much as me, so we remained seated at our table and tried to talk over the deafening music.

It was hella awkward because most people were dancing and my friends and I were talking while watching them dance. Occasionally, I would make eye contact with someone for a split second and the moment I looked away, all I could think was they were thinking about how sad my situation was and how loner like I am and how AWKWARD I just made them feel by making eye contact with them for a second.

I don't know if you can tell by reading this, but I am really bad, like unbelievably bad, at these things. Social gatherings are terrible and I hate them. Most of the time at these things, I don't even know half the people there.

I literally used the word awkward at least once in every sentence. I'm sorry I'm so repetitive.

I feel like this post has just made you (the reader) feel awkward. Or sorry for me. I think this just illustrated how sad ma life is...

Trust me, my life isn't as sad as it sounds in my posts! I'm just awkward all the time, making it seem like I have a really sad life.