I don't do sleep

By now it should be quite obvious that I have SERIOUS problems with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived that I've given sleep deprivation a whole new meaning. I love sleep, but sleep does not love me.

My sleep schedule is seriously messed up. I don't even know the difference between night and day anymore. On weekends, I sleep at 3 or 4am and I wake up at 2pm, and half the day is gone. Forever, never to be returned. It's real sad.

I have somehow managed to screw up my sleep schedule to the point of no repair. On average, I sleep at 3 am ish every night. I mean, that's not too bad; some people sleep at 4 or 5am. But still, I only get about 5 ish hours of sleep on school days. No matter how hard I try, I can never be in bed before 2. And if I am in bed before 2, I stay up, lying awake in bed until 3. My mind refuses to shut down before 3am. There's no way I can fix my mess.

I don't even know what I did to mess myself up so bad. Taking 2-hour naps might have something to do with my sleep deprivation, but the lack of sleep developed way before I was introduced to the fantastic world of napping.

What I hate most is that I know I need to sleep earlier and I need more sleep, yet I can't find it in me to commit to doing so and to piece myself back together. Every morning, I wake up with the most sour, grumpy mood ever, and promise myself that I will sleep early that night, and build myself up to believe that I will be back in my warm bed in no time because I'll sleep earlier. Then night comes and that promise has gone out the window and I stay up all night again. In the morning, the same thing happens all over again. Tonight I'll sleep earlier because I need sleep real bad, I promise myself. Then at 12 am, who the heck needs sleep? Not me that's for sure! And the cycle repeats itself every single day.

For once I'd actually like to sleep at like 12 or something. Just once.

It's funny how when we were little, staying up late was considered cool and if you stayed up late and didn't sleep till 11pm, you were be the coolest kid ever. And now here I am, staying up way past 2am and I can honestly say that staying up late is not cool. At all. It was never cool to begin with. What I wouldn't give to sleep at 11pm!