I've had an epiphany

One restless night, a few hours before a test, I had a sudden revelation. And once that happened, it was like the dark clouds that have ruled my whole world just cleared up and I was no longer drowning in anxiety and stress.

I realized, at 3 AM in the morning, that... grades don't matter anymore.

It's been such a stressful school year and now that it's almost over, all the nitty-gritty stuff and all the future-planning is over and done with. The freedom from high school that I've been longing for is so close is practically palpable. I'm not saying that my high school experience has been bad or anything like that, but high school, like someone stated on Tumblr (a wise soul, might I say), is just a long and torturous audition for universities and colleges. Since grade 8, all I and my classmates have been doing is trying our best to get good grades, get the volunteer hours we need to look good, etc. It was never really about learning or experiencing, it's always been a show of who's good at memorizing or who's "smart" or who can appear the most well-rounded.

Anyways, I've digressed.

Lying in bed, with nothing more than my thoughts, I realized, and truly believed for the first time ever, that grades don't matter anymore at this point in my life. I no longer have to stress over not getting a high enough A or stress over what letter grades would appear on my report card.

I've got less than 2 weeks of school left. What is a bad mark on a test going to do to me? Nothing. I couldn't care less about what marks I get on assignments or tests. I don't care anymore. None of this school mark stuff matters anymore. I'm done.

I'm done stressing myself out. I'm over worrying about what other people are getting in a certain class. I'm done with exams or letter grades telling me my worth. I'm done with late night sessions of studying and memorizing stuff that I can't even begin to understand.

I used to be so worked up over tests and assignments, like my life depended on it. Only now do I understand that one bad mark means nothing. So what if I didn't study for that one test because I was so tired that I couldn't even remember my name? I should have let myself rest; I shouldn't have pushed myself so hard. My mental health is so messed up right now. I've driven myself insane so many times throughout my high school career. My stress levels are sky high. My sleep schedule... I don't have one because I barely sleep. And I can't go on too long without getting tired and needing to take a nap, but I can't always take naps because of school or work. There is nothing I want more than to sleep and recover.

Now that school's almost over, screw final tests; I don't give a shit.

It's crazy how one little epiphany like the one I had can change everything. My whole world is turned upside down. Never in my life have I been able to think grades don't matter...